The Winter Olympics Suck

Here’s a good ole throwback post from my blog…from 4 years ago that someone just commented on…enjoy:

The Winter Olympics Suck

Only once every four years do things like pushing rocks on ice and sliding down a giant ice tube on top of another person get prime time coverage on NBC, it must be time for the winter Olympics.

To be clear, my loathing of the winter Olympics is not born out of my personal dislike of winter in general. There are legitimate reasons why they suck.

First of all, the sports that are highlighted in the winder Olympics are dumb. The Olympics were born out of a festival to honor the Greek gods. To celebrate, all the Greeks got butt naked and ran around, threw rocks, read poetry, and wrestled…naked. Point being, they were stripped down because the Greeks honored not just the gods but the human form and all it could accomplish, which is why they included intellectual events because for some reason they thought thinking was something to be proud of.

They were also a competition where the city states showed off their best warriors in competitions born out of combat, sort of like scouting without the under table contracts before the signing deadline.

So the Olympics are about honoring all that our bodies can do and how we can best kill each other. But the luge? There are no giant ice tubes going from Marathon to Athens. And they were definitely trying hard to find filler sports for the winter Olympics when they added another person to the luge. If you really want to luge on top of your buddy, go get a room, or some sort of indoor ice tube.

Curling, as cool as it might be, is another dumb one. It’s not a sport, it’s a recreation activity. No sport that allows you to be obese and completely hammered while doing should not be an Olympic sport…or else Bowling belongs in the summer Olympics.

Biathlon could be argued to be in the same spirit as the original Greek games. If the army is skiing through the Alps it has to shoot people, that’s reasonable. It seems pretty straight foreword, but most probably don’t know that there are a whopping TEN biathlon events:
Men’s and Women’s:
10K sprint
12.5K pursuit
15K Mass start
20K individual
4 x 7.5K Relay

This really gets at the root of the problem with the Winter Olympics; it’s a struggle to find goofy winter sports to fill two weeks of prime time television. Just because NBC has the 3 am spot open doesn’t mean they have to add another speed skating event (there are 20).

Plus, I’m sick of listening to Morgan Freeman every commercial break narrate some overly dramatic heart breaking story about Curling.
Plus I hate the over-dramatization of the Olympic athletes. OK, it’s hard for a network to introduce a person and sport that we would normally never lift a finger to change the channel and watch. They figure by playing out Apolo Ohno’s life story and struggles enough we’ll feel like we know him and give a crap for two weeks every four years.

Plus I hate ‘sports’ that have some arbitrary judging system like figure skating. The Olympics have even managed to include some arbitrary scoring system into something as straight foreword as ski jumping.

The weird sport aspect and judging combine in the moguls. Not only do you have to race down the hill over a bunch of bumps, but you have to do jumps in the middle that you get scored on.

However there is one good sport: speed skating, mostly because it’s just like crit racing and there’s more crashes in speed skating than the Daytona 500. Check out the medal race from Salt Lake, and why it pays off to tail gun a pack:

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11 Comments

  1. How about ya tell us how ya really feel?

    I hate the winter Olympics due to the vulturistic (new word!) media that preys on adversity and failure…and I hate it for other various sundry reason of which you already are aware.

  2. I think they should get rid of some of the winter events and put the velodrome events in to replace them. Even though they don’t really have anything to do with winter..

  3. I think most sports suck. What does sport really do to bring world peace, feed the starving or heal the sick?
    I really think that sports as we know it will eventually die out as we know it. I just hope it doesn’t evolve into something uglier like the Hunger Games.
    I am also angry about how tv networks press the pause button on all the normal tv shows during any Olympics, summer or winter.
    They just assume that everyone that normally watches their programs would love to see crappy sport and on continual loops, repeating the same stuff over and over and over. It’s enough to make me slam my head into a wall to knock myself out so I could hopefully arise from my coma two weeks later and resume watching the normal tv I usually watch.
    I can’t understand why the networks do this. If the Olympics is on somewhere else in the world, broadcast it live and recap every 3 hours or so for those who really missed it and keep as many as the normal shows on as possible.
    I also agree with your comments on the weird sports. The summer Olympics have them too, what about darts (also a pub game and can be played while drunk) and Snooker too.

  4. Agree with you 100%.
    When all is said and done, the Olympics are about power, politics, and money. The fact that athletes compete is totally coincidental. More chances are taken away from cyclists and wrestlers but we add stupid shit like the two man luge, beach volleyball, and more swimming and gymnastic events than I can even count.
    I don’t even want to start on the “judged” competitions!

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